The Story Thus Far

Dear Fans,
On Saturday and Sunday we drove through the South – it was my first time! It’s been really exciting so far, but still no sign of Bigfoot.
The best part of the trip so far has been the Southern food! We went to a WAFFLE HOUSE this morning! The food was delicious! I would eat there every day if I could. I tried to call the waitress “Darlin”, but we all agreed that my Southern accent just isn’t good enough yet. I’ll work on it.
On the way down, we saw a lot of things that met and even exceeded my expectations! There were vast swaths of land being put to no productive use, 100-foot Confederate flags, and half-collapsed shacks with porch-lights on in the middle of the day and empty buckets strewn about the “yard”!
The worst part of the trip so far was the Econolodge we stayed at in Dalton, Georgia. I really can’t say enough bad things about it. The bathroom had pubes on the floor, there was mold on the ceiling, and the peeling wallpaper was patched up in some spots with gold paint. The wireless access was spotty, and, as Mike and Sarita found out during the night, the roof leaks. No ghosts, though, so at least there was some up side.
Everyone keeps saying we four are going to hate each other by the end of the trip, but so far the only problem area has been Zac. Zac really seems to want to ruin this for me. For example, when we got into Kentucky, I said that I wanted to play “Wagon Wheel” by Old Crow Medicine Show, because it was the only Bluegrass song on my I-pod. When the song started, Zac looked up from his Music Elitist magazine to say “Did you call this Bluegrass?” I apologetically said that I really wasn’t sure. But Zac couldn’t let it drop before calling me “shit-for-brains”.
The other two are far more agreeable. Sarita sleeps a lot, which is okay because when she is awake she is very energetic, always curious about things, and asking me lots of questions about science and medicine. Anderson brought along a great music collection, however I’ve noticed that when he answers the phone, he always makes us sit quietly and pretends he’s alone in the car. I wonder what he’s hiding, and from whom.